This is just a more in depth thingy about me. If I leave anything out just inbox me :)
Ok so, my name is Nicla and I Live in California. I live with my mom and my brother (only for a little bit longer till he goes of Davis in a couple months.) I have Three sibings ; my brother, Achilles;my sister, Athena; and my other sister Cassidy. I don’t see my sisters much becuase they live with my dad and my stepmom, Irina. My dad lives close only abotu 15 minutes away from me but I stopped living with them in 8th grade (12 years old) when they kicked me out of their house the morning right before school..right before Christmas break. I’ve had a hard life and with every day itgets better it also gets worse the next day when I miss htose days when it was better</3. Everyone has their own problems and their own hardships and I’m not saying mines worse than any of yours but it’s been hard. (To skip my life story blah blah blah part go to the next bolded text haha) But continuing, I didn’t get kicked out because I am a bad person but becasue my stepmom is a bitch and sent here to destroy my life. lol obviously I’m kidding but she really is the reason Ileft. She is the reason why I am not close with my dad at all. She is the reason why my dad hates me. She is the reason why I have all this pain inside me. She is the reason why I do drugs. Noone has ever made my life more miserable than she has. When I lived with them I would go to school crying every morning. I had to miss first period and sometimes second every day because I had to walk from my dads to my moms (5 miles) to get away from them. I was failing my classes because when I would go home my dad would yell at me because my stepmom told him (lies) that I had been doing. I didnt have time or energy to study or do my work because all night my dad would either yell at my brother, me or my stepmom and dad would fight. This all started when we moved into our home with my dad and stepmom and brother. Before all that me, my brother, adn my dad had the best relationship. WE loved each other and cherished every moment together. We were perfectly content with living in a one bedroom apartment with sleeping bags as beds and bean bags as pillow cases. Yes bean bags. As in cloth puches filled with uncooked beans. On nights when my brother was gone me and my dad would have movie night (I got to pick the movie) and I would sleep in his bed with him. But once we moved in with Irina things changed. I have never been the same. She would tell me that I was a living horror for her and that she hates me and has negative feelings right when I walk in the room. She would insult my dad in front of me and say “your mother was right to divorce him”. When my dad and Irina would fight at night and I would cry in my bed listening to them she would slam open my bedroom door and yell at my dad “AND LOOK AT YOUR PATHETIC DAUGHTER CRYING LIKE ANYONE CARES!!!” When she would do this before it wasn’t as bad becuase my big brother would stand up for me and protect me from her but he moved out and I was stuck there crying alone. Eventually I couldn’t stand it and when they kicked me out I was happy to go. The only thing that kept me there for so long was my little sister Athena(Cassidy hadn’t been born). I wanted to protect her and be her role model and be there for her when they were fighting. But I just couldn’t anymore. Having to leave my sister is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It has been one of the hardest things in my life to go through and casued me severe problems. In the middle of all of this I had a stalker who I was keeping secret from my family becasue I was scared they would be mad at me. I was scared and finally one day burst out osbbing at the end of schoolw hen he called me and said creepy sexual harassing thigns I don’t wasnt to repeat. The school clale dmy fmaily and we called the police who said that they couldn’t fuckign do anything cause it was too expensive. (if you want to know what happened with the rest of that story inbox me) I would have nightmares every night of my sister dying because I couldn’t get to her in time. My sister is the only thing I live for and seeing that every night fucked me up. If I didn’t have a nightmare of that I would have nightmares of the stalker and my phobias(inbox me if you want to know those). They were horrible. I would wake up screaming,crying, and sweating form these nightmares. I am so scared of sleeping now. Its one of my worst fears. I have insomnia now and I rarely sleep. The only times I sleep is when I can’t control it. Sleep dep., nightmares, leaving my sister, and hacing no real relationship with anyone in my family gave me intense depression. I used to cut myself with razor baldes and burn myself with lightbulbs or irons. When I couldnt use a blade or burn myself I would be so desperate I would carve and dig into my skin using my nails over and over till I would bleed. I almost killed myself but my friend called my mom and told her to get me. She came and got me and had me talk with my brother abotu my issues since I wouldn’t talk to her. Now I’ve been getting therapy for my problems and have siwtched to homeschooling. I’ll be honest and admit that I have tried to kill myself since then but I feel like I’m getting better. The last time I saw my sisters was 41 days ago and that was by accident. That was also the last time I talked to my dad. My friends have been showing great support throughtout all of this and have really been there for me. The ones that have reallly gotten to me and helped are: Roxana, Maya, Kelyna, and surprisingly Richie. I will be there for anyone who needs it. I will give you advice and be your friend. I know when I read these I’m like they wouldn’t be my friend and stuff they’re jsut sayin that blah blah blah bu treally. I CAN HELP. I’ve been through a lot and me and my friends together have been through it all. Please. Let me help.
HAPPY FUN STUFF
My hobbies are guitar, piano,drawing, and writing any kind of poem,lyrics, or music. I love tumblr haha I’m on alll the time. I’m a dancer. I’ve done ballet,jazz,lyrical,tap,hip hop and belly dance. :) The things I guess I’m good at is singing (cause thats what people have told me haha), guitar and piano. I taught myself how to play geetar and piano and I’m very proud of that haha. My favorite color is electric blue, blood red, or emerald/forest green. and teal lol. and sea foam. and robins egg blue lol. At a young age my dad taught me hwo to use knifes so I’m pretty talented in that. I love motorcycles. Like LOVE. My daddy is in a motorcycle gang and I would ride with him and his gang and its so fun. He got in an almost fatal motorcycle crash last year during thanksgiving break (for the full story inbox me) and I still want to ride haha. I like screamo, metal, a select amount of dubstep, calssic rock,indie folk music,reggae,underground rap,rap etc. SOme of my favorite artists are Escape the Fate, Asking Alexandria, Guns N’ Roses, Scorpions, Def leppard, The Game, Norah Jones, Rebelution, Shwayze, Band of Horses, The Kooks, A Day to Remember, Born of Osiris,The Used, Eminem, Jack Johnson, Counting Crows, Falling In Reverse,The Flaming Lips etc.. haha I love music pretty much. I cut my own hair haha. I’m a natural blonde but its dark blonde so I lighten it and I always have to have a new color in my hair. Like a rainbow color :). I love it. I have a reverse navel belly button peircing(inbox for a pic). I have no set style. If you knew me you would understand. Sometimes I have hardcore clothes on other times I have super sweet girly clothes on haha. One thing you can be sure of is that I will be wearing the necklace my dad gave me when I was young. (Its a fire opal heart with yellow gold and white gold surrounding encrusted with diamonds, most important thing to me I own. I never take it off.) and you can be sure that I will be wearing my converse. I want to ether be a marine biologist or a tattoo artist when I’m older. I want “last of our kind” tattooed across my chest with a wing tattooed on my left shoulder(to represent the fact that I believe that the world is conformed and not many of us who don’t follow along are left) and a tribal torch tattooed on my right shoulder (to represent my sister guiding me through sadness and depression) I want a dream cathcer tattooed on the top/side of my thigh (to represent my dad when he gave me a dream catcher to protect me while I sleep) and I want “do not turn off” tattooed across my lower tummy beneath my belly button (to represent all the obstacles I over came and when there is another one, don’t let me die) (for more stories about why the tattoos represent what they do invox me :]) If you want to know anythign else at all about me just inbooox! I have lots to saaay!!! Ive been writing this for abotu an hour now O.o haha
Je t’aime
<3
